Does your kid whine?

Mine does. Some days, a lot. And I find myself totally annoyed, frustrated, and incapable of thinking straight when the whining drags on and on.

So, why does she do it? Just to annoy me? I’m sure not. I really don’t believe she’s capable of that kind of manipulation. Does she really want that cookie, tv show or toy? Probably not. What she probably wants is me. And somehow, I’ve neglected my duties as a mama and have not given her enough of me.

I know this was true yesterday, when I had an appointment with a customer and then an appointment with the midwives, both of which requiring her to play quietly, and me to offer my full attention to others. It was too much to ask of a four year old.

So, I turned to facebook to do a little whining myself. Great example, I know.

And, in addition to commiseration, I got a jewel of wisdom from a friend…that they are, in fact, whining to get our attention. They are whining because of feelings of disconnection, lonliness, sadness and frustration. And they need to reconnect, find solace in mama or papa’s arms, and remember that the world is a safe, welcoming place for them.

What does this have to do with babywearing? Well, it’s more to do with toddler wearing, or preschooler wearing, really. I don’t wear Ryan anymore, being 8 months pregnant, and with her being nearly 3.5ft tall, in the traditional sense. But that doesn’t mean I can’t “wear” her in a less traditional way.

When she was little, and would get whiny or annoying, I’d toss her up on my back in a mei tai, she’d snuggle in and feel safe, and off we’d go. I sometimes forget that she still has those needs, and I can’t fulfill them in the same way. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need to be “worn”. It’s just not going to happen in quite the same way.

So, instead of getting angry with the whining, I’m going to try really hard to understand where it’s coming from, and what she really needs. Not another episode of Curious George, but rather, 5 minutes of cuddle time with mama to remember that she is loved, she is important, and she is safe in this world.

Head over to Hand In Hand Parenting for the full article that inspired my intentions today.

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2 Responses to “Does your kid whine?”

  1. Honey Says:

    I agree, they are often showing their need for us in their whining. That’s good your daughter is happy with some cuddle time even though you are not able to carry her right now. Unfortunately, my daughter is not happy with cuddle time and will only be happy if I pick her up (and she’s 2 years 9 months). I try so hard to get her to just come to the couch and sit on my lap, but she only wants me to stand and pick her up. I’m hoping it has something to do with her teething (stilll getting those 2 year molars) because sometimes it’s sooo hard to carry her!

  2. wendy Says:

    YUP.. My kids still whine and the oldest is almost 14yrs old. Obviously Joanna (almost 4yrs old) whines more than the others, but what a great article! Yes they definitely whine when they are in need of Mummy time and it is usually just that! A little bit of one on one time and they are back to their usual lovely selves!

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